How do you persuade your partner (in this case wife) to pull her weight in a marriage if she just wants to be lazy and do almost nothing? She seems to start things and then just give up (no staying power). Divorce is not an option so dont mention it please
More details: She doesnt earn any money/ do a job, and is not looking having been not chosen for one interview; she refuses to learn to drive after having a few lessons which went fine and then giving up; she sleeps in same bed as her toddler then says that is her job done (the toddler going to our 24/7 live in nanny the rest of the day); she speaks some english but has dropped out of any course I have enrolled her on; she doesnt cook (the nanny does it); she does a small amount of cleaning, she does the food shopping (via internet), buys all toddlers clothes (with my money) and irons.
How can I motivate her to do anything else – she goes bezerk (like a box of fireworks) no matter how subtlely I try and broach the subject
JadeyOz that is the most bitter and offensive post i have ever seen – regardless of whether you are making any valid point, your abusive aggressive manner means your argument is not measured or balanced, therfore ignored – speak like an adult if you wish to have your views listened to
thanks for trying but you are not understanding the situation completely
she will not go to english classes
she will not cook
she will not let anyone teach her to drice
she will not try to get a job
this is a pretty complicated problem – i dont need sympathy because we do have enough to have a reasonable life, it just winds me up im doing all the work.
On the plus side she is a stunner and the *** life is amazing! lol. and she is a right laugh we never stop talking and joking (married 5 years now and the conversation and fun is non stop without a break)
I just need some cunning plans to get her off her ***!
7 comments
Comment by ISNYRA L on October 30, 2009 at 2:24 am
Tell her to move it or else she might have health problems like stroke if she is unbelievably lazy…. tell her to do things and move,move,move, so that her blood circulation will improve.
I hope you won’t get into your saturation point Mr. Good luck in your marriage.Keep it strong for your child and for God. Lengthen your patience and Smile.
TELL HER TO MOVE IT FOR HEALTH REASONS
Comment by I tell it like it is on October 31, 2009 at 8:30 am
You got yourself a real prize there! You can`t motivate her. Being lazy is in her blood. A zebra can`t change it`s stripes.
As to her sleeping with the baby, that is wrong, the baby needs to learn to sleep on his own.
If divorce is not an option then good luck. BTW , Swanson is the best brand of TV dinners.
Comment by Terance on November 2, 2009 at 8:18 am
It’s sounds like your wife is a bit spoiled. Perhaps you should tell the nanny to only care for the child. Cook enough only to feed the child, keep the child’s room clean etc. Also, think about buying a toddler bed that will not hold an adult. Block the internet so she has to go out and shop or get rid of it all together if you yourself can get on without it. Get her a three wheeled bike with a basket she can ride to the grocery to get the food she’s going to have to cook. And if she refuses, eat before you get home and don’t bring her anything. Maybe she will get the hint that way. Sounds like it’s time for some tough love.
Comment by JadeyOz on November 3, 2009 at 12:37 pm
1. SACK THE DAMN NANNY , why are you encouraging her to not have a real relationship with her child ?.
2. Stop being such a twit she is meant to be home with that toddler so she has the memories and the say in how her child matures until it is at least 5 years old.
3. Your a chuavinist , you married her and either took this child on as your own or its your child yet you see it and your wife as a commodity to money making .
Now grow up sack the god damn nanny tell the wife her job is to raise that child in a healthy , happy , clean home and to learn to speak english or go back to which ever country she came from and speak her language there.Take her out to apply for her learner’s permit and take her driving , then take her shopping and show her how to damn well do it , this is what you get when you marry someone not willing to totally become 1 of their new countries citizens you allowed this to go on and now it doesnt suit your need’s (thinking of leaving her ? dont give me that divorce isnt an option crap) , if she goes berzerk you go berzerk back at her and remind her this is the life she wanted as much as you damn well did and she is setting a very bad example for that poor child.
I give up some problems just cant be solved because any fool can marry and reproduce.
Comment by Nompumelelo N on November 5, 2009 at 1:33 am
I understand you love ur wife so much and from the way i c it you wil do almost everything to make her happy, but in a process also think about yourself you cant go on like this for the rest of your life, Do something, talk to her elders, course to c things in a different perspective.
Comment by carissa m on November 6, 2009 at 3:37 am
If she is going bezerk when you broach the subject then try a different angle with her. It seems as though she is taking advantage of the situation after you employed a nanny to help her out. Utilizing the nanny on a part-time basis might be a good way to rectify some of the current problems. Have the nanny come in to babysit only when she goes to english class, driving lessons, job interviews, helps her grocery shop (ect). From the way you have presented your question it sounds like you are perturbed over the fact of how she is spending the family money. Food shopping on the internet costs more then just going to the store. Why don’t you just go to the grocery store with her? At night, you can take her to a vacant parking lot and help teach her how to drive. As far as english classes, there are a lot of ways the two of you can interact with each other so she is learning how to speak english from you. Does she not cook because she is lazy or because she isn’t good at it? If it is due to being lazy then once the nanny goes part-time she won’t be there to cook for her. If she doesn’t know how to cook then cook with her for awhile. All of these things require the two of you to spend time with each other and that love can motivate her to be more for herself and you. Divorce is not an option which is wonderful, because you truly love this woman. If all else fails then seek out marriage counseling. There are quite a few out there that are bilingual. Good luck!!
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If you are unhappy in your marriage because of these things then seek out counseling. Marriage is an investment of two people working together. If you two cannot agree and you are left unhappy and/or unsatified then therapy is your best option. Life is too short – enjoy what you have!
Comment by naomi w on November 7, 2009 at 5:39 pm
you poor bloke, best suggestion i can make is cut her off financially, no joint account, no cash, nothing, tell her to pull her thumb outta her ***! i’d love to have a baby still go back to work to pay the bills as i dont agree with free loaders but unfortunatly working 50hrs a week in the uk seems to count for nothing! shes lucky to have a husband willing to support her i think you need to remind her of this!
why no divorce? no pre-nup? goodluck!