kadjfajlfs asked:
I try so hard in school to make my dad proud and my brother gets average grades, he doesn’t play any sports, throws temper tantrums constantly and hes 10 years old! i’m almost 14 and i feel like i can’t live up to what my dad expects of me. he always chooses my brother over me and i really can’t take it. yesterday we were gonna go fishing and hes like well if the nanny doesn’t show up then sam’s just gonna have to stay home and watch the baby, and its ridiculous cause i would have to do that because the boys wanted to go fishing so i wouldn’t get to? luckily my step mom always tells my dad that’s wrong, but her and my dad are in the process of a divorce so shes not around as much but still pretty often. my dad is a little sexist because he thinks boys are better a sports and he almost didn’t let me go fishing yesterday because i was a girl. my step mom told him to treat all the kids equally and always lets him know that my brother is misbehaving and he still throws temper tantrums. i am really girly but i play soccer and tennis and my brother plays no sports so who is my dad to say that girls can’t play sports? how can i tell my dad to stop the favoritism. what is so good about my brother? my dad has 4 biological kids and 2 step kids; out of the 6 my brother is the 5th and hes my dads only biological son and my dad also has a stepson.
I try so hard in school to make my dad proud and my brother gets average grades, he doesn’t play any sports, throws temper tantrums constantly and hes 10 years old! i’m almost 14 and i feel like i can’t live up to what my dad expects of me. he always chooses my brother over me and i really can’t take it. yesterday we were gonna go fishing and hes like well if the nanny doesn’t show up then sam’s just gonna have to stay home and watch the baby, and its ridiculous cause i would have to do that because the boys wanted to go fishing so i wouldn’t get to? luckily my step mom always tells my dad that’s wrong, but her and my dad are in the process of a divorce so shes not around as much but still pretty often. my dad is a little sexist because he thinks boys are better a sports and he almost didn’t let me go fishing yesterday because i was a girl. my step mom told him to treat all the kids equally and always lets him know that my brother is misbehaving and he still throws temper tantrums. i am really girly but i play soccer and tennis and my brother plays no sports so who is my dad to say that girls can’t play sports? how can i tell my dad to stop the favoritism. what is so good about my brother? my dad has 4 biological kids and 2 step kids; out of the 6 my brother is the 5th and hes my dads only biological son and my dad also has a stepson.
5 comments
Comment by Libby on November 3, 2009 at 2:18 am
It’s awful when parents favor sons. My mother grew up that way… her older brother got almost everything he wanted and brand-new, while she got everything second-hand. If she got it at all.
Your dad may feel like he relates to your brother better because he’s a boy. After all, what do grown men have in common with teenaged girls? Not much. But regardless, your dad should still MAKE time for you.
I think you should tell your dad you’re upset that he didn’t let you go fishing. Tell him you were really looking forward to it, and you were disappointed that he stuck with you babysitting instead of making arrangements so you could go. Point out that he’d never stick your brother with babysitting, even if your brother was old enough to watch the baby, but you had to do it because you’re the girl. Tell him you **** being treated like a second-class citizen just because you were born a girl. And him if he’s really trying to teach you that girls aren’t as good as boys.
Then watch him try to explain. Chances are he’s not aware of how much this bothers you.
Comment by LoneRanger on November 3, 2009 at 6:10 am
Fathers sons most always have a special bond. Fathers and daughters do too, but it is a different bond. Try talking to him and tell him how you feel, and tell him you want to spend some 1 on 1 time once in a while. Good luck.
Comment by dust on November 3, 2009 at 11:53 pm
My answer is going to be speculations of your story. There’s a lot of possibility.
Going by this story I believe you are the oldest child of the family, right? I believe your Dad see’s you as a responsible daughter so he gave you the task of taking care of your brothers. Plus you have to understand that divorce is not an easy task to handle mentally, so give your Dad some space.
Also, probably the reason why your Dad doesn’t spend much time with you now is because he already did when you were younger, right? So try to understand what your Dad is doing. However, I still think your Dad should still spend some time with you since you too are going through a big phase in your life. Maybe you should talk to him about this; tell him how you feel.
My advice to you is just talk with your dad, have a 1 on 1 conversation.
Comment by Sean Roberts on November 6, 2009 at 9:10 am
Sam,
Here’s an idea. Make a detailed log of everything your father does to favor your younger brother. Include the date, the time, and a description of the incident.
Then after about a month, and about 10 or 15 incidents, show your father. Present the log and tell him that he favors your younger brother. When he sees the proof, he will either realize that he favors your younger brother or he will prove to you that he doesn’t.
In either case, the issue may be resolved to your satisfaction.
Comment by Amy Z. on November 8, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Sounds like your dad’s a real sexist….. I guess it can’t be helped that he likes your brother better than you. I can’t really give any advice on how to make him like you better, sometimes you just have to forget about him and take comfort in your mother instead. If he rejects you, reject him back. If you don’t want to reject him, well, you’re on your own.